Overcoming disappointment

Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed. Isaiah 49: 23

It was a hot, sunny, summer Sunday and an ice cream was just what was needed and not just any ice cream but a proper delicious ice cream cone. So after a quick Google search we found what appeared to be just the thing – Dawlishious ice cream – straight from a farm of Jersey dairy cows. It even had the little knife and fork symbol on the map to denote it was an eatery. Perfect.

The last time we ate ice cream straight from the farm was in America at Richardson’s Farm and Ice Cream Emporium – a massive establishment that served cones and sundaes in 30+ flavours from a multitude of serving hatches.

Now I didn’t expect something quite like that but I did have in mind a small shop serving ice cream cones with maybe a few tables under umbrellas to sit and enjoy our treat. Mrs Google guided us to our destination but when we arrived there was nothing but the farm – no ice cream place. We turned around and made a second pass and found in the farmyard a garden shed from which one could purchase tubs of ice cream in a variety of flavours. No cones, no tables or umbrellas, no one serving just a shed with a freezer and a phone number for service.

The cup of disappointment was deep – my expectations had far exceeded the reality.

Unfortunately that can be the case with life. Too often our expectations, based on previous experiences, far outweigh the reality and set us up for the fall of disappointment. Of course life’s disappointments come in far larger measure than my ‘no show’ ice cream parlour. In fact just recently I have been amazed at how often I expect things to turn out a certain way either because that is ‘always’ how it happens or because that is what happened last time and then find that something completely different occurs.

So how do we cope with life’s disappointments especially the hard ones, the big ones, the life changing ones? How do we deal when a spouse walks out of a marriage that we had such high hopes for or a child who made a commitment to the Lord when younger has now turned their back on God and is not just into a secular life but one dominated by alcohol or drugs? Or in my case when Church and Church leaders have behaved or done things that are not what would expect from Christians?

Unfortunately, over many years, I have been part of churches where leaders and other Christians have behaved in such ungodly ways. I have seen weak leaders overcome by sin and selfish ambition struggling with addictions and the devil’s favourite traps of fame, fortune and females. How do we deal with these situations?

Personally I was so disappointed, hope had disappeared and I was overwhelmed by the great British disease of cynicism. I wasn’t looking for perfection but I did expect leaders of integrity who would honestly seek God and try to the best of their ability to lead their churches into God’s plans and purposes. Churches filled with the power of the Spirit, walking in the fruit and gifts of the Spirit – not churches full of lies, self-ambition and naked sin.

I was sitting in a huge pit of disappointment struggling with hopelessness and a strong desire to give up. I expect we can all identify with this in our own disappointments. BUT God – he didn’t want me to give up, he still had plans and purposes for my life so as I prayed and wept over the frustration and disillusionment I found he is indeed the God of all hope and to him I turned.

Gradually he guided me to people of wise counsel, some encouraging podcasts and messages on the internet till I was ready to make the decision to not dwell in my pit but choose to trust God and let him lift me up on wings like eagles. I turned a corner and where I had found situations almost impossible to engage with I now found things shifting. The situation hadn’t changed – I had.

Life is full of disappointments – big and very small.  We can blame these circumstances for our cynicism and hopelessness or we can turn to our God of all hope to heal our wounded hearts and show us the way out – upwards and onwards. 

I truly pray you will find God in the midst of your disappointments to be the God of hope whose love and encouragement will spur you on to not give up, not give in:

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy that was set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12: 1 – 3

Beautiful in God's eyes

We are masterpieces made in the image of God.

According to Psalm 139

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well. Psalm 139: 13 – 14

Yet distressingly an alarmingly high number of people believe or have believed they are ugly. They actually use those words. This may have been spoken over them or they have believed the lie of the enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yet while we believe these lies our focus rests on our shape and size, our facial features and not on who we are in God’s eyes – his child, fearfully and wonderfully made.

In our image conscious Western world the ideal is to be thin, willowy with long gorgeous hair if you are female and tall, dark and handsome if you are man. I exaggerate the stereotypes but you get the picture. One leading UK store even uses size 4 mannequins to display its products.

We all struggle with self-image wishing we were taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, had bigger this or smaller that but God made us – unique and self-acceptance is a battle well worth winning.

Now that does not mean that God does not want us to look our best. In the past Christians were known for being dowdy and old-fashioned. They made a virtue of letting their clothes last a life time! But in our pursuit of looking good we must never forget what Peter said:

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3: 3 -4.

Beauty comes from the inside out not the other way around. God built character displaying his love and the fruit of the Spirit is a wonderful goal. Look at Nick Vujicic the man with no arms or legs, nothing to admire in a physical way yet what God has done in His life with his character, attitude and motivational speaking is truly amazing.

All my life I have struggled with my weight – part of this is genetic – I come from families who were never tall and willowy but basically short and fat and part poor lifestyle choices in the area of eating. I’ve always wanted to be thinner and though I rarely followed a diet, I always wanted to lose weight.

I was bemoaning my inability in this area and the fact I felt fat and overweight when God told me quite clearly that my size and shape were not the issue – what was important was that I was healthy. The reason for this was not just because that is a good goal but He wanted me to be available for the long haul. He had much for me to accomplish. Self-induced poor health so often hampers what we can do for God. He told me to cut back sugar, eat as healthily as I could, exercise and focus on him not my size. I immediately asked God for a verse to encourage me. Straight back came this verse:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31: 30.

That settled it. Whenever I feel discouraged or start obsessing about food or weight, I quote that verse aloud to myself.

Finally I want to nail once and for all the lie that anyone is ugly. How can anything made by God be ugly? Despite wrinkles and flab and anything else we may deem undesirable, God loves us as we are. We are beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The significance of insignificance

It never ceases to amaze me that God chooses the insignificant, the unimportant ones to bring about his plans and purposes. Even in creation, out of all the 300 – 500 billion galaxies in our universe, each with countless stars and planets, God chose our insignificant galaxy, the Milky Way and placed our star the Sun out on one arm. Planet Earth is the third rock from the Sun incredibly insignificant compared to mighty Jupiter or fantastic Saturn. Yet on this beautiful blue and green rock reflecting the light of the Sun, God placed his creation including Man born in his image to reflect the light of his Son. Why this insignificant planet?

God loves to use the insignificant. In fact he often seems to prefer the least in families or society to be used the most. Joseph the eleventh son raised to be second to Pharaoh in Egypt and save his family and the nascent nation. Moses the younger son of Amram, so fearful he could hardly speak, was chosen to lead the Israelites out of captivity. Gideon, the least of the least was called to deliver Israel from the Midianites. David, eighth son of Jesse, called to be not just be king in Israel but to become a focal point of kingship in the nation that all other kings were compared to him. Solomon, not the oldest born of the ‘first wife’ but a minor son yet noted today for his wisdom, knowledge and the building of the most stunning temple ever.

Every one of them chosen by God not because of their looks, talents, abilities, position but because they would grow in trust and obedience to God. They would succeed and fulfil their destiny to save and lead nations.

The Christmas story is full of people of no apparent significance or prominence who have gained significance by being obedient to God’s call on their lives.  Mary and Joseph, a poor couple looking forward to being married were suddenly chosen to stand in the spotlight on the stage of world history. Shepherds, out in the fields doing their job, found themselves selected completely out of the blue to be the first visitors to the infant Jesus to signify God coming to earth for the poor and marginalised of society. 

In today’s celebrity crazy, instant fame society of ours, it can be easy to get caught up in seeking prominence to give us significance.  Significance in God’s eyes comes though in places with no prominence; those serving faithfully in the church, those helping the poor and weak of society in the city slums, those fighting for social justice or in the mission field far away from the glare of media and cameras often doing incredibly significant things with no prominence at all. 

 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 1 Corinthians 1: 27

Society seeks prominence and ten minutes of fame to applaud but God wants men, women and children of significance; significant because of obedience to his call on their lives. Mother Teresa gained prominence but I doubt if she particularly wanted it other than to draw attention to the plight of the poor in India.  For those poor people her life was very significant. 

I know we can long for prominence to bring assurance and worth to what we do but we have great significance even when we are hidden.  Fame and prominence are of little value even though highly prized by our societies. Significance through obedience whether we know about it or not is the prize of the Christian.

The power of individual prayer

But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

So will I (100 billion) Hillsong

God is so interested in the one, a thought that pursues me.

In all of the immensity of God’s creation, He never loses sight of the one, the individual. I know I can get overwhelmed by the problems in the world, in Europe, in UK, in my town but God doesn’t call us to try and fix everything but to partner with him in helping change the life of the one.

As I’ve written before each of us can have a profound effect on one other through kind works but the effect of our prayers on situations can be profound. I sometimes think we don’t truly understand how vital our prayers are.

A Christian praying in a church destroyed by IS

As individual Christians I believe we need to grasp again the enormity of the impact we can make through prayer into individual circumstances. The devil would have us to believe we make no difference, our prayers are not important.  On the contrary they are essential.

God is not paternalistically listening to our prayers, patting us on the head and then going on with the big business of sustaining the universe. Nothing could be further from the truth. God takes each prayer and puts it into action if he possibly can. As we partner with his heart for other people and situations, God acts.

Huge world problems are overwhelming but focusing in prayer on the one whether that be someone struggling in poverty at home or abroad, a politician or a persecuted Christian we can make such a difference to their lives.

The most important thing is to prioritise our prayers and learn how to pray from God’s perspective not ours. That leads to effective intercession. It starts with regularly connecting with God. This in itself can be a real battle with the other demands of our busy lives.

In my last few years of work, I was incredibly tired and God kept gently urging me to get up earlier and spend time with him. I felt that was impossible. I was already exhausted. Finally I gave into his nudges and set the alarm for half an hour earlier. Those precious half hours supported me through my last years at work. I was able to pray for all sorts of things that before had been impossible. I found these verses from Isaiah 40 so true.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

I had had a similar experience years earlier when our four children were small and I felt I just could not find the time to pray and read my Bible. God showed me how and when I could fit that into our demanding schedule. Again the benefit and blessing was immense.

God cares about the one – you and me – and our relationship with him. He so desires that we too have a heart for the one. As we prioritise the One, he will show us how we can pray effectively for the one, whoever that may be. We truly can change the world one prayer at a time.