Deep in love with Jesus

Sitting at Your feet is where I wanna be

I'm home when I am here with You

Ruined by Your grace, enamored by Your gaze

I can't resist the tenderness in You

I'm deep in love with You, Abba Father

I'm deep in love with You, Lord

My heart it beats for You, precious Jesus

I'm deep in love with You, Lord

These words from a song by Michael W Smith touch something deep within me. So often the love of God is very theoretical – we know it to be true but we don’t feel it. Yet love is an emotion and should be felt. It’s not a piece of information.

For years this was my situation. I knew in my head that God loved me. I could pray with great conviction God’s love for another but I just never felt it. I kept talking to God about this. I knew that if only I could feel God’s love, so much else would fall away; feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and condemnation. These just would not be able to exist in the warmth of God’s loving gaze.

At this point I just need to say that feelings are not a reliable indicator of truth. Feelings follow truth not the other way around. What do I mean by this?

 ‘Feelings are just feelings. Nothing else,’ my boss used to tell me. He is a Godly man but this saying drove me mad. My feelings were very important to me and I felt that they were a very accurate gauge of reality.  Over the years I discovered by painful circumstances that he was quite right. 

What he meant of course is that feelings are in fact a very poor indicator of both reality and truth. Feelings can make us slaves to lies and whilst I am not for a second suggesting we ignore feelings, they need to be used as what they are – a pointer to our emotional or physical condition at that moment. They can be a signpost to blessings or problems but they are not necessarily an indicator of truth.

‘I feel so alone and rejected’ shows our emotional state. The truth is that Jesus said He would never leave us or forsake us.  We are not alone or rejected. 

So feeling God’s love is vital because the truth is that God loves us so passionately, deeply and dearly that we will never fathom it. We ought to feel his love but so often our feelings condemn us. It is at that moment that declaring the truth is vital.

The truth is that God loves us. The truth is that we are his dearly beloved children. The truth is that we are the apple of his eye. The truth is that there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The truth is that we are saved by grace; there is nothing we can do to earn or keep God’s love. The truth is that as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

It was at this point I got my breakthrough. God had forgiven me but I had not forgiven myself. I still condemned myself for my many mistakes but if God had forgiven me, who was I to hold myself in the bondage of unforgiveness? As I released myself, the feelings followed the truth and I knew God loved me and I could feel it.  It was a wonderful moment.

Now, like Michael W Smith, I love to sit and enjoy God’s adoring gaze, to reflect on his great tenderness and acceptance of me; to know I never need to do anything to earn this love but I can just sit and bathe in it.  What a blessing to know that God will never reject me, abandon me or get cross with me. I am his precious child. Hallelujah!

Rooted in Jesus

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognised by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes or grapes from briars. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6: 43 – 45

I have unfortunately discovered this week how true these verses are; that when unresolved frustration and anger are stored up in the heart, the mouth will act as a safety valve and when the pressure is too much, all the frustration and anger pour out in a bitter flood. Thank goodness for the gracious forgiveness of both Jesus and those offended by my words.

There is no doubt our words reflect what is happening in our hearts. When our hearts are full of love, grace, patience and so on, our words will reflect this.  If we have unresolved anger, frustration, bitterness, unforgiveness, fear, feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, inadequacy and rejection both from current situations and those from our past, our words will reflect these. The words may come out quite calmly and in ordinary conversation not as an angry outburst but there will be nevertheless glimpses of the heart’s condition.

So how do we improve the heart’s condition?  There is no doubt Jesus does not want us carrying around all these negative emotions as they are damaging to both our lives and the lives of those around us. Jesus wants to heal us from past hurts, abusive situations, fear, pride, feelings of rejection, unworthiness and inadequacy. He also wants to show us how not to get into situations of unresolved anger and frustration so that our mouths do not become an unpleasant safety valve like a pressure cooker exploding!

The way is shown by the preceding verses about good trees and good fruit.  Trees bear fruit based on their character and what they are rooted in.  When we become Christians we change from bearing the bad fruit of the flesh to bearing the good fruit of the Spirit. The process for doing this and it is a process is by rooting ourselves into Jesus. Colossians 2: 7 says: So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.

We become rooted in Jesus as we live in the Word and with worship and thanksgiving we let him transform our lives. There is no situation that Jesus cannot redeem. There are Godly men and women today who grew up in the most abusive and horrendous circumstances but as they rooted themselves in the Word, God changed their lives, their attitudes and their thinking and their mouths too came into line reflecting the inner transformation. 

Whether our lives need a major overhaul or a minor adjustment, let us not give up but continue to cooperate in God’s transforming, redeeming work by rooting ourselves in the Word.  Good fruit will grow in our hearts and our mouths will overflow with the good fruit of the Spirit.