The trials and joys of Mary's parents

The Bible tells us nothing about Mary’s parents, not even their names and yet they must have played a huge part in Mary’s pregnancy and the upbringing of Jesus. We have much to ponder in this Christmas season from what the Bible does tell us but over these last few days I have wondered about these unsung, unknown, and yet valued-by-God heroes. 

In the Jewish culture of that day, to find that your daughter was pregnant outside of marriage was the most awful shock and disgrace as well as a terrible disappointment that your beautiful, Godly daughter had behaved in such an ungodly and shameful way. Imagine Mary protesting that she was still a virgin, that an angel had visited her and this child was going to be the Son of God. I’m sure that initially this would have been met with disbelief and it certainly would have not been much consolation.

Mary’s parents would have been going through in their minds all the ramifications of this news and would have been worried about her reputation let alone their own. After all they could not have brought up Mary very well if she became pregnant outside marriage. 

When people found out, including the extended family, their friends and neighbours and then, worst of all, the religious leaders, their responses would not be very positive. I wondered if the family thought this news would mean they would all be excommunicated from the synagogue. 

They must have felt huge relief that Joseph was prepared to do the right thing and instead of divorcing Mary, was willing to marry her but nevertheless there was still much to contend with.

Now Joseph’s reputation would also be called into question, as people would presume the baby was his. Why else would he marry Mary? 

Once the initial shock had worn off, everyone would have needed a bit of space to re-group and plan the way forward. Perhaps that is why Mary went to her cousin Elizabeth’s to help her with her unexpected but joyful pregnancy. For three months everyone would have had the space to work out how to navigate what would be shocking news in small town Nazareth. 

On top of all this, Joseph and a very pregnant Mary had to travel to Bethlehem for the census. Even with every modern convenience, no one likes to travel when a baby is imminently due. Suppose the baby arrived en route. 

Mary’s parents would have been worried sick but when the news arrived back that the baby had been safely born, I wonder if they then travelled to Bethlehem to see their new grandson. It would be some years before Mary and Joseph returned to live in Nazareth. That in itself could have been a blessing in disguise. The town gossips would have found far more juicy morsels to chew on by the time the small boy and his parents arrived back in Nazareth. 

Unfortunately I am sure the stigma of being the child almost born out of wedlock would have lasted for all Jesus’ life. You can hear the sniff of contempt that would always go with the catty remark.

Mary’s parents I am sure, loved their grandson and watched with great delight as he grew up into a Godly young man. There must always have been something different about Jesus and I wonder if they, like their daughter, treasured up every moment and pondered them in their hearts. 

We can take comfort that for every key player in the Christian life, for every one on the platform or working hard to bring God’s Kingdom wherever God has sent them, there is a host behind them, known to God who are playing a key role in the background. These are the ones providing support, encouragement, love, prayers and just being there but without whom the prominent key people would never succeed in their God given call. 

These heroes are known to God, valued and loved and for whom there will be a great reward one day. 

The joy of grandparents

We were standing watching our three grandchildren play on a large stack of hay bales and nearby two other grandparents were watching their three-year-old grandson try and emulate our much older grandchildren. His grandfather urged him, ‘Come on Flinty. You can do it,’ and with another huge effort Flinty finally managed to scramble up these enormous hay bales and stand triumphant at the top.

I realised afresh at that moment the importance of grandparents. They have so much to impart and are not there to undermine parents’ hard work as has been jokily suggested, but to support and strengthen the raising of the next generation by investing skills, character and of course faith in their children’s children. Since then I seem to keep coming across people who relate the great inspiration that grandparents have had on their lives. 

I think that there are four main ways that grandparents can influence their grandchildren.

Time

Grandparents, even those who are still in work, have more time than parents. Unlike parents, they are often no longer involved in the nitty gritty of domestic life of children with all the pressures that brings, as well as holding down often very responsible jobs. Grandparents can spend quality time talking, playing and modelling life. They can help with childcare in the holidays or cover evenings and weekends if parents are working shifts. 

Even grandparents separated by distance from grandchildren can share lives through the internet these days.

Skills and talents

Grandparents have had a lifetime of developing skills, talents and knowledge that is a great enjoyment to share.  Even if in the early days it is playing endless games of snap, doing jigsaws for the thousandth time or kicking a ball in the garden, there is the joy of knowing that soon their grandchildren will want to play more sophisticated games and start developing skills. Grandparents can unearth and develop hidden talents that busy parents just don’t have time for.

Grandparents also have a huge body of knowledge to share with eager minds as well as the pleasure of visiting places at the weekends or holidays. 

Grandchildren will also no doubt be able to teach their grandparents quite a bit about technology and the modern world that is so rapidly changing and this leads me to the next area of grandparents’ influence.

Character 

Wonderful though sharing life and skills with grandchildren may be, one of the great privileges of grandparenting is motivating and developing character.  This can be a real challenge for parents with their busy lives but grandparents can take the time to talk through the challenges of modern life.  Like Flinty’s grandparents they can teach resilience, perseverance and determination. They can help develop patience, kindness, honesty, integrity. They can show the hollowness and sham of the fame and celebrity culture and that though making and having loads of money may seem fantastic, there are other things in life of far greater value.

They can also teach and reinforce manners, politeness, putting others first – such important qualities in this egocentric, highly entitled culture. 

Faith

Finally the jewel in the grandparents’ crown has to be sharing and developing faith. What a privilege to talk and model the Christian life, not a dull set of rituals and disciplines but a love walk with our wonderful Saviour that is of far greater value than anything the world has to offer. Even if at the time, it seems like our words and life are having little impact, seeds have been planted and with prayer these seeds will bring forth a harvest of righteousness in due course. There is so much encouragement in the Bible that training children and grandchildren in godliness is never a waste of time.

I love the story that Alan Vincent tells of how his grandmother gave him a Bible every year that he promptly threw in the bin. He knew she was praying but he didn’t want her prayers or Bibles. However when the time was ripe, God intervened in his life in Sovereign power and he became a great apostle of faith. 

Your prayers can literally change and affect your grandchildren’s destiny. 

Grandparents, your role in the lives of your grandchildren is of great worth. It may be exhausting and you may collapse on the settee after they have left but something of eternal significance has been invested even through the most mundane tasks or games. So many children grow up in loveless situations and need someone to show they care. Children with grandparents who are involved are very blessed.

I believe we have a mandate from God to invest in our grandchildren’s lives in as many ways as we can. .Even if distance, ill health or other commitments mean we are unable to do as much as we would like, every prayer, every phone or video call, text, and email matters. This is of everlasting value and one day as we spend eternity with our extended family, we will treasure afresh every moment we invested in our grandchildren’s lives. 

Called by name

Have you ever heard God call you by name?  We are all familiar with ‘God so loved the world’ but wonderful though that is, it that can seem a little impersonal or distant.  But when God calls you by name, the God that we cannot see suddenly becomes our God, the one who knows us. I remember the thrill I felt when I realised God was speaking to me by name. I wasn’t just a believer, I was Christine.

One of my favourite Bible passages is in John 20 when following the dreadful crucifixion of their Lord, Mary Magdalene went to Jesus’ tomb to anoint the body with spices. She was distraught when she found the body had gone and when a man appeared she thought he was the gardener until he called her by name. Mary must have been familiar with hearing Jesus voice but it wasn’t until he called her Mary, that she realised he was Jesus.

Many of the great people in the Bible were called by name; Abram, Jacob, Moses, David, Paul and even Hagar. That one is a surprise. Hagar was a slave in the household of Abram and Sarai, bought out from Egypt.  When Sarai (as she was known then) couldn’t conceive the promised heir, she came up with the plan for Abram to sleep with her servant girl Hagar and get a son that way.

I wonder what Hagar thought of that. Was she pleased to be elevated to concubine or was it rather hard to sleep with an old man probably 60 years older than herself? Nevertheless she became pregnant and had no difficulty despising the childless Sarai. So much so that Abram withdrew any protection he may have had for the mother of his child and told Sarai she could do what she liked with Hagar. The despiser became despised and fled from her ill treating mistress out into the desert. 

It was there in the desert that the angel of the Lord found her and called her by name. When she admitted she was running away, the angel told her to return to her mistress but he also encouraged her that the child she bore would also have descendants too numerous to count. He did qualify this by telling her that this child would not be popular with anyone. 

Hagar though was so encouraged that ‘She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen^] the One who sees me.” 

The God of Abram now became her God – God had seen her and she had seen him. What had been second hand and impersonal now became deeply personal enabling her to return to Sarai.  

God knows each one of us by name. That is a great encouragement.  When God feels far off, remember that he will come and find you wherever you may have wandered and will remind you of his presence by speaking your name.